I’m Not Dead

I’ve just been a little sidetracked this last month. So I hope all is well with you guys. With summer approaching, I thought I’d write something to get us in the mood. So I wrote a quick poem about the ocean. Because the ocean is basically the spirit animal of summer. It’s true. I read that somewhere. Anyway, here it is (Photo courtesy of between-appointments)

Hey ocean, I like you.

Even though you hurt my eyes and taste like Play-Doh.

You’re waves are like vert ramps for doing sick surf board tricks on.

Plus you make all of my favorite seafood dishes.

You also have nice friends like dolphins and walruses.

Except for sharks. Please don’t invite them out this summer.

Those guys are dicks. A.K.A dick fish.

Okay, I think I covered everything.

Hope to see you soon. And I promise not to pee in you.

Very much anyway.

The End 



Pizza Party Haiku

In honor of Friday and the weekend, I thought this was appropriate.

Caprese_Pizza_ 012

Romantic Moments

Hey girl sitting there

I made this pizza for you

It is really good

No Substitutes

Who need vitamins

When you can have meat and cheese

That is common sense


Eat it in sweat pants

Pizza is a lifestyle

How enjoyable

Taco Tuesday Haiku

It’s Tuesday, which is short for Taco Tuesday. The most holy of days. Like the Sabbath, but spicier. Where tacos are only a dollar, and margaritas are well, cheaper than normal. In honor of this weekly event, I have written some poetry to express myself in the form of haiku. I hope it speaks to you like it has me.


Tacos are so cheap

I had an eating contest

I was by myself

Drink Special

Oh margarita

You make spring break on Tuesday

I woke up outside


Haiku For The Chicks


“Have I Told You Lately”

Hey girl standing there

Your eyes are like emeralds

Or pretty lasers

“I Do (Cherish You)”

Yes you are correct

Nachos are the most tasty

Let’s go get married

“Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”

No that’s not metal

That’s just my muscles flexing

I am very strong

P.S.- The word emerald can be pronounced in the two or three syllable form (based on dictionary.com).  I am using the three syllable form.

Booger Haiku

Gross, get a tissue

You have a giant booger

Okay that’s better

Dung Beetle Haiku

In honor of those who work day in and day out on projects no one else would do.  I dedicate this next haiku to the dung beetle.  Have a cold one on me Mr. Beetle.

Dung beetles eat poop
I would never want that job
How considerate

Haiku of the Mundane

This was just a little something to break the week in with, and to feed the world’s insatiable appetite for more haiku. So the next time you’re in a boring situation, with blood coming out of your ears, make a game out of it. Try to put it into a haiku. That’s what I do. For example-

“Networking Function”

So what do you do?

Oh you work in sales? That’s cool.

I don’t give a shit.

“Grocery Shopping”

No. That can’t be right…

Buy one, get one free roast beef?

Thank you sandwich god.

“Weekend Chores”

Wash and wax the car.

Clean the house in time for guests.

Thank God for my flask.

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