Please leave me and my shoes alone. It is not funny or cute. And frankly I’m tired of it. Not to mention you did a great job of embarrassing me at that recent dinner party. Thank you so much for that. The smell of freshly smeared fecal matter goes great with eggplant parmesan. Plus, it really complemented the brand new white carpet. I think it goes without saying that I was an instant hit. I’m sure they’ll have me back soon. Oh wait, that’s right, they hate me.
Also while I have your attention, why is it that you are so hard to get rid of? A high powered fire hose seems to be the only remedy. Maybe if you kept to yourself more often people would actually tolerate you. I’m not saying I have all the answers, but I think it’s a good start.
I hope this little chat has sunk in and that you will change your current life path. Thank you and good day.