Myth Vs. Fact- The Truth About Werewolves

As one that makes his livelihood hunting them,  I thought it would be appropriate to discuss the myths and truths of Lycanism (werewolfism to the layman).  Education and spreading awareness is the only way to truly protect yourself.  Well that and silver bullets.  But those aren’t exactly easy to come by, so let’s go with awareness for now.  This knowledge can save your life, that of a loved one, and most importantly curb the spread of this disease.  Below I have addressed the most popular myths, and answered them with a simple true or false answer, followed by a quick explanation.

1. You can become a werewolf just by kissing one.  True and False.  Often if your face to face with a werewolf, you’re already dead.  You can’t become a werewolf if you’re dead.  That’s science.  Only if you survive a bite, and that’s really depending on their mood.  Rising from the dead is more of a zombie/vampire thing, and I got out of that field decades ago.  Go to another blog for info on that.  But, if you do kiss a werewolf, human or wolf form, you will become one of them.  The virus is carried in their saliva and is the reason their bite can be so harmful.  So if you want to “make out” with one, know what you’re getting into.

2. Most werewolves are nudists.  True.  Changing from a small human to a giant beast, can do a number on your clothes.  So most werewolves skip wearing them entirely.  Plus, like human nudists they believe in a lifestyle of harmony with nature.  Mainly they love the taste of blood and hunting live prey.  But other than that, they’re identical.

3. Shoulder beard or hairy inner ears, are early stages of werewolf transformation. False.  Hairy shoulders or hairy ears, are either signs of poor genes or old age.  Although definitely disturbing, neither is dangerous, and they should not be persecuted for that.  So the next time you reach under your bed for your shotgun and silver buckshot, try to have some compassion for grandpa (or grandma).  They don’t like being gross either.

4. Werewolves hibernate during the summer. True.  For the most obvious reason, summer temperatures are too hot for werewolves.  Their fur coat traps in abundance of excess heat, and can be very uncomfortable.  And due to their overall bloodlust, and giant “wet dog” smell, werewolves are not aloud in public pools or water parks. Dogs and wolves don’t mind the heat, because they aren’t half human hybrids.  Plus, most werewolves never change back to their human form once they’ve made the change.  Super strength and senses become addicting, and the thought of becoming “human” again can make even the strongest werewolf nauseous.

5. Richard Gere is a werewolf.  False.  Despite popular belief, Richard Gere is not a creature of the night.  He is just an asshole, and that is something completely different.

If I have missed any important issues, feel free to comment below.  I will do my best to answer them.


Booger Haiku

Gross, get a tissue

You have a giant booger

Okay that’s better

Gene Hackman Eulogy

Gene Hackman isn’t dead.  Nor will he ever be, because he will live on in our hearts and minds forever.  But someday his physical form will leave us.  And since I don’t know him, I’m pretty sure I won’t be invited to his funeral.  But just in case I do get invited, and also get asked to give the eulogy, I wrote a small piece in preparation.  I have presented it below-

Gene was a star.  He was so bright, you could almost call him the sun.  Except that you could watch him without special goggles and he didn’t hurt your skin.

He lived his life as an example of how others should live.  Never acting rude or out of turn.  Unless that was his character, and then you loved him for it.  He capitalized every single film genre imaginable.  But more importantly, he created a genre in my heart.  (I would start to cry here).

He didn’t just affect us on the silver screen.  He was part of the family.  If it weren’t for him and Tom Clancy, I don’t know how dads would even entertain themselves.  (I would pause again to regain my composure, and then smile).

But let’s not forget his playful side.  He once told me a story about him and Danny (but Danny Glover would look up at me from the audience and give me the “shut up” look).  Never mind, that was a boring story.  Let me wrap this up.  I know everyone wants to pay their respects, so let me step out of the way.

I would like to close out the ceremony with a powerpoint slide show I put together.  The soundtrack has been provided by Hall & Oates.  (Since I don’t know how to incorporate powerpoint onto wordpress, I just posted the pics I would have used below with a youtube link of the song. Just hit play, and you can listen to the song while viewing the pictures.  Enjoy).

Rest in peace Gene.  May you dominate the after life like you dominated the cinemas.

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