Why I Like Hiking

Hiking, one of man’s oldest pastimes (after prostitution and mercenarism. Or wait, is that profession? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.) My point being, that it’s a well established extra circular activity. It’s good exercise, provides fresh air, and is usually free (ha, take that prostitution and mercenaries!). But when someone asked me recently why I liked hiking so much, it wasn’t for any of those above benefits. I have a totally different set of reasons. I’ll do my best to explain them below-

1. Mountain art– Don’t get me wrong, Mother Nature has created a few beautiful things here and there. I’m as big of a fan of waterfalls and stalactite formations as the next person. But what really impresses me is when man takes nature, and makes it better. And one of my favorite genres of this is definitely mountain art. Just take this picture below. Some artistic genius (genius being the only term that would do this person justice), took these drain pipes and made them art. This takes time and dedication, and raw brute strength. None of that wimpy “painting” stuff. This person dragged these pipes all the way up the mountain, bending and rusting them to perfection, and setting them so the sunlight bounced off them just right. Beautiful.

2. Dangerous poses– I know what you’re thinking. Just what we need, more bad boy poses from a couple of assholes. And is that a Poison shirt he’s wearing? I am so done reading this…But wait! What if I told you these poses were done at 45,000 ft above sea level? Pretty adventurous right?

But if that wasn’t enough, try one-armed push ups while doing the “hang loose” sign. Now that’s dangerous!

3. Stink bug wars– After famine and disease, stink bugs are mans greatest natural enemy. Stink bugs kill an average of 2 million people a year. And those are just the cases that get reported. Survivors and families often try to cover up these incidents, because no one wants to admit they were bested by a small bug with an odor problem. But this is serious people. I took my stick and battled many a bug that day. I was marked by their stench, but other than that, I came home unscathed. Oh, and you can thank me for the world having two less stink bugs. You’re welcome.

4. Throwing rocks at stuff– Whether it’s trains, beer cans, or trees. There’s nothing more badass than throwing rocks at inanimate objects. Me and my bro threw rocks at a water tower for hours. We even got a few rocks on the roof of it. So sick!

5. Dinosaur impressions– Plentiful vegetation along the trail, provided excellent opportunities for me to hone my dinosaur impressions. This is me being a raptor stalking its prey. I don’t like to “toot my own horn”, but this picture went over pretty well at my last Dino Enthusiasts meeting.

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28 thoughts on “Why I Like Hiking

  1. LOLZ…you Veloci-nerd! You forgot the most important part of hiking;
    the inbred homicidal mountain men rapists (think Wrong Turn or the Hills Have Eyes.) I mean, what hike would be complete without a little bit of bloodletting and some cardio as you run for you life (and your butt virginity.)

  2. These are all good reasons to hike but I do it for the food.
    Meandering around in the woods for an hour burns a lot of calories. So yes! I’ll have the deep fried Twinkies for dessert after that nutritious corndog I just inhaled.

  3. Drain pipe art- fancy schmancy! I’m so glad you battered some stink bugs, thank you. I don’t like them one bit and would stomp my furious feet upon their nasty bodies. So… what dinosaur are you? With all the vegetation and the fact that you are grasping a tree kindly, makes me think you only eat plans– brontosaurus? But you look more like a T-Rex. Minus the puny arm length.

  4. Ahahaha… if only my hiking adventure this weekend actually head to dangerous poses on top of a mountain… we never even made it to the top… but we did see the drainage pipes too… so someone is definitely going around to lots of trails and doing this… so that definitely makes it more impressive! lol

    • That is so Hot Topic. I did get a Pantera shirt there in high school though. It’s more holes than fabric. But I still have/wear it, much to everyone’s dismay.

      • I hate that guys get cooler band shirts than girls do there >< it's the worst. my best friend (he's practically my brother) gets all these AMAZING shirts from them, but when I go looking, the ones for girls suckkk.. And they only have one shipping option for Alaska, which costs $30. All in all, I've decided that I hate how HT treats their customers. But they do have some pretty awesome stuff! So I always stop by their store when I'm at a mall.

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