Bigfoot Grocery List

Hey Andrew,

I’m going to be out for the day. Can you pick me up a few things at the store? I’ll pay for the groceries and rent tomorrow. I promise. Oh and sorry about the hair in the shower drain. I know it’s been worse than usual, but I’m a little stressed with the whole “job situation”. I’ll clean that up too when I get home. You guys don’t wait up for me. Oh yeah, here’s the list…

  1. Head and Shoulders- Preferably “Ocean Lift” if they have it. Original doesn’t seem to be strong enough anymore. I’ve been looking more like the abominable snowman, than a Sasquatch lately.
  2. Blueberry Waffles
  3. Real maple syrup- From the tree, not the processed stuff. I know it’s more expensive. But I’ve been feeling homesick lately, and I could really use a pick me up.
  4. Lawn shears- Trust me, this will pay for itself in all the money we save in toenail clippers. And yes, I’ll clip them outside from now on.
  5.  Axe body spray- Sorry, but I need the spray. The solid deodorant just makes dreadlocks in my armpits. And that’s not good for anybody. Go with Phoenix or Dark Temptation scent. They work best with my musk.
  6. Carne asada meat- I want to make tacos for Taco Tuesday.
  7. Lint roller- I keep shedding on my vests.
  8. GQ Magazine

Thanks again Roomie.

P.S. – If you want, we can finally go on that hiking trip this weekend. I know some great places!


29 thoughts on “Bigfoot Grocery List

    • Don’t get me wrong. He’s a deadbeat jerk, who always leaves a trail of hair behind him. But you can’t fault him for loving real maple syrup. It’s amazing.

      • I mean you can never lose him since he leaves a trail of hair… so when you finally decide to become rich off the discovery of Bigfoot, you always know where to look… And exactly. At least the big guy has good taste.

  1. I feel for Sasquatch. If you can’t find shoes in your size, toenail clipping is critical. Speaking from experience, creme rinse and conditioner can help with armpit dreads, or just shaving down, Michael Phelps style and starting with a fresh coat for the summer.

  2. I love the lawn shears. Totally valid. not only for cutting long toenails, but I feel like Bigfoot would also use them to snip unruly nose hairs and create gorgeous floral arrangements. since he lives in the woods, wildflowers are abundant and I imagine he is just a regular ole’ Martha Stewart when it comes to utilizing them.

  3. Finances can’t be too dire. I think I saw this guy go into the waxing room while I was having a mani-pedi. It takes a significant load of dough to strip that back.

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