My Tribute To Mothers

Back in 2004, I studied abroad in London. I wasn’t 21 yet, and being that the drinking age was 18 there, I was quite busy. But I did make time once a week to call to my parents, and let them know I was still alive. I know, how good of me. But if I’m being honest, the phone calls were short. They were expensive, and I had a daily regiment of whiskey that needed to be drank before class. Then one week, after already having “our call”, the phone rang. It was my mother. What was going on? This had to be something bad. It was. Dimebag Darrell was dead. The ex-guitarist of Pantera, had been shot while preforming a concert. I was not only shocked by the news, but even more so that my mother was the one who told me. If you asked her to name one Pantera song, she couldn’t tell you. And I’m sure my dad wasn’t happy about another phone call on the bill. But my mom knew how much I loved that band, and felt it important enough to tell me about. That’s one hell of a mom if you ask me.

Now not all moms can be that amazing. But in honor of Mother’s Day, I thought it would be important to show my appreciation. Below is a short list of other moms, who I think are worthy of our praise. Of course, they’re not perfect, but who is? They all have their strengths and qualities that make them unique. I hope after reading this, you’ll agree they deserve to be on this list.

1. Alien Queen– She’s an incredibly violent, merciless killer. That also happens to spray acid out of her mouth. But you know what? She does it for her kids. A protective mother is essential for good child rearing. Not to mention, she’s a single mother raising hundreds of babies at a time. If those aren’t good qualities in a mother, than Abraham Lincoln was a liar.

2. Mother Russia– Yeah there was that whole Cold War thing. But think of all the great entertainment that came from it. Spy novels, films, and video games. Imagine a world without Red Dawn, Rocky IV, and Air Force One. Atrocious. Hell, Tom Clancy wouldn’t even have a career if not for the Russians. And if Tom Clancy never wrote books, than dads everywhere would be bored and depressed. So Mother Russia in actuality saved all the dads in America. What a great mom!

3. Shaft– His theme song claims he’s “a bad mother”. But I don’t think that’s true. He beats up criminals, and makes it safe to ride your bike after dark. Plus he gets along really well with other moms, and even helps women become moms. Who doesn’t want more moms? Moms are the nicest ladies around. Go Shaft!

I’m sure there are a million more moms that could’ve been on this list. But I have to go to work now. Feel free to let me know who you think belongs on here. Maybe we can do a part 2 of this before Sunday.

P.S.– Danzig’s song “Mother” is not on here for a reason. So don’t comment about it. Read the lyrics of that song and try to tell me it makes sense. It doesn’t. Plus, I don’t think he would be a good mother at all. He wears nothing but mesh, and has crushes on demons. He would be the mom that everybody at school made fun of. Plus who wants to wake up in the morning and see that “Uncle Satan” slept over.


12 thoughts on “My Tribute To Mothers

  1. Hey, the Alien Queen in your list sounds a bit like me…”violent, merciless” CHECK spews “acid out of her mouth” CHECK. “A protective mother” CHECK
    I dunno about the hundreds of babies though… Maybe not so much. 😉

    • Maybe she shared so much as a kid, that when she grew into adulthood, she got sick of it. This lead to hoarding everything that she had given away as a child. Ham was just happened to be one of those things.

  2. Alien queen will always be my first and only choice, my mom used to tell me how i should try and be like her..sigh
    I read in newspaper today that in 1000 years Japanese will be erased from earth cos of low birth rates, Now only if they had one Alien queen they would have never had to face extiction….Yay to Alien queen

  3. I can relate to Alien Queen. I don’t have 100s of babies, but I do have 5 and as far as humans in today’s society go, that’s like 100, right?

    You should’ve mentioned the Pantera’s ex-guitarist’s mother. I mean, naming your son, “Dimebag Darrell,” automatically makes you awesome. 🙂

  4. hands-down, alien queen is the best mom. To be able to birth a gazillion babies and then turn anyone that crossed her or seemed threatening into a bloody pulp is like, #1 Mom Award stuff. She needs a makeover though. Stat. At least update the wardrobe if you are going to be that sassy. Play the part.

    • Yes. Grab the award and run with it. I don’t know why “Alien Queen” isn’t an annual mother’s day award anyway. It should come with a plaque and everything.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: