Your New Favorite Vacation Spots

Being the veteran traveler that I am, I’ve grown rather bored of the norm. I’m appalled by the the term “tourist”, and think of myself as more of an adventurer. The pyramids, Eiffel Tower, and the Great Wall do nothing for me anymore. I find my tastes are more suited for the spectacular. Although I doubt any of you could afford these trips, I thought I’d share some insight on my favorite vacation spots regardless. Without further adieu, here they are…

1. Narnia– This may be, hands down, the most beautiful place on my list. And I promise, you will not meet nicer talking animals. Everything has that “ancient magic” feel that I’ve grown to love. The first time we visited, we did the seven day cruise package on the Dawn Treader. And to be honest, they acted like we were on some kind of quest. Normally I don’t like being on any kind of set schedule, but our Captain, Caspian was great. Oh and their king, despite being a giant lion, could not be more gentle. Heh, unless you’re the White Witch…I’m sorry that’s Narnia humor for you. When you spend a lot of time in the country, you get a little caught up in the culture. It’s really easy to lose track of time when you’re there. A great getaway though!

2. Atlantis- All I ever hear is how beautiful the snorkeling in Hawaii and the Great Barrier Reef is. But I can’t help but laugh knowing what I’ve seen. Try being escorted to a ten course meal on a conch shell chariot pulled by dolphins. Or enjoy a world class massage by specially trained mermaids (or mermen). Also unlike the surface world, shark fights and submarine races are still legal here. And for those of you concerned about another “oxygen scare”, the technology has since improved. You can actually walk around almost completely uninhibited with the help of an algae breathing mask. My only note would be to stay away from the Sea Serpents. They’re not quite as “open-minded” as the Atlanteans, and still don’t take kindly to humans on the ocean floor.

3. Gotham City– I know what you’re thinking. Gotham is a dirty and disgusting armpit of a city. It’s riddled with crime and violence, so why would you ever want to go there? Those are all true statements, but like I said before, I have a thirst for adventure. I like to live life on the edge, and coming face to face with the Joker and Two-Face is definitely a way to do that. Not to mention the architecture is to die for. I love all the gargoyles. Everything is so gothic, dark, and tortured. It’s almost as if the city is a living, breathing organism. But sadly, Batman was a bit overrated if you ask me. Yes he’s highly competent at what he does, but he turned out to be such a bore. He doesn’t even drink. And like I’ve  said before, I don’t trust a man who doesn’t drink. It means he’s either hiding something, or he’s a religious nut. I get the impression that Batman is a bit of both.

4. Neverland (not the Michael Jackson one)– Whenever me and the misses need a little rejuvenation, we come to Neverland. It’s just a great place to unplug, and forget about “being a grown up” for a while. It’s something about the atmosphere. When you come here, you feel like you’re not even aging. It’s like visiting the best spa or plastic surgeon you’ve ever been to, and then multiply it times 1,000. It’s got tropical beaches, magic flight classes, and pirate shows. What more could you ask for?

5. Endor– I don’t agree with everything that the Empire did, but man did they know how to pick a good forest moon. I used to spend many a summer camping here, until that whole “Death Star” debacle. Finally things have calmed down again, so if you can make it, it’s definitely worth the trip. The Ewoks can get a tad unruly at times, but just flash your blaster pistol, and they’ll settle down. Oh and as fun as it sounds, do not drink and drive a speeder bike. They look fast, and that’s because they are. Trust me, I know from experience. My brother-in-law is suspended in carbonite until they can fix his spine, due to a drinking and speeder accident.


39 thoughts on “Your New Favorite Vacation Spots

    • Stay that way as long as you can. I find the only way I can fill the void is by gambling with wookies, and trident fighting with serpent men.

  1. It blows my mind that Ocean City, New Jersey didn’t make your list. There’s the boardwalk, the family fun entertainment and of course, mile of beaches. True enough, there are no talking lions or even talking sea gulls, but Atlantic City is just up the coast a little ways, and there’s plenty to see there!

  2. I’m so glad that you have been to Narnia! I actually had elite access to this wondrous place since my last apartment had a door in my walk-in closet. Some people argued with me that it led to my bathroom- but each time I went through that door, I always was convinced it wasn’t a loo- it was Narnia. I would do my business and then return to civilization, feeling better and more myself.

    Gotham city would scare the beejus out of me. But obviously if sexy Batman was flying around, I’d go. I would totally get all up in that cape if you know what I mean. Even if he doesn’t drink– that is fine. More for me.

    • Honestly it’s a lot of hype. I’ve been there, and I wasn’t impressed. An Orc try to get fresh with the misses, and I had to light him on fire. It’s the only way they learn.

      • haha, you know what funny? I am a 32 year old man and the best vacation I ever had was disney world last year..!!!!

      • No actually that’s not that bad. They have the new updated Star Tours ride there now, and that’s pretty badass.

  3. Well done Andrew! It was very clever and caught me off guard. Good stuff! I’ve been stuck on a merry-go-round in La-la land for several years now. The food is good, a little muggy in the summer but the women are ga-orgeous!

    • I’ve spent a lot of time and effort in trying to get there. Whether it was out of boredom or illegal substances. But I never made it. Someday I will. Someday…

    • It’s definitely on my bucket list. I’m just waiting for my magic broom to come in the mail. Apparently they don’t believe in cars, and I am NOT riding on a griffin!

  4. Now THIS is what I call travel writing. Except I’d sub camping on Endor for a wild weekend in Mos Eisley on Tatooine. I’m all for a good Cantina that keeps the bar open after a blaster fight.

    • Alright, I’m going to stop joking for a second. Dinotopia is in my top 10 things ever made, and for whatever reason nobody knows about it. I wouldn’t visit there, I would live there. Well that is if I survived the storms and coral reef, and the dolphins brought me safely.

      • Dinotopia might be the best place to live ever, I have no idea why nobody knows about it! I think I would live in waterfall city 🙂 Not to mention that I’ve always had a crush on Will Denison..

  5. I was always more into Arthur Denison myself. But you know me, I have a thing for big brains. Oh and on a sidenote, I fell off the Dinotopia wagon for a bit, and just recently read the latest installment- Journey to Chandara. Still great, but not as good as the first two in my opinion. Your thoughts? Sorry…But, you’re probably the only person I know who even likes these. Dinotopia talk has been kept away for years.

    • Well the first one, “A Land Apart From Time”, will probably always be my favorite book of all time. So I was always skeptical to the sequels. However, “The World Beneath” was really entertaining as well. The 2 books that came after those were a bit of a let down to be honest.. So I’ll just keep rereading the first 2!

      • Yeah it’s hard to beat giant robot scorpions, and submarines in the World Beneath. But agreed. I’m just glad to get any new stuff at all. If I ever have a considerable amount of disposable income, then I will most definitely be buying some original artwork.

  6. This is great. I met a smokin hot girl back in the 90’s named Jessica. I try to get out to visit her every now and then but she lives in Toontown and her neighbors can get a little sketchy sometimes. (see what I did there, sketchy?) I always find that subtle jokes are much funnier if you jerk them from their hiding place and beat the reader over the head with them.

  7. my travel spot would be Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars…or even his Africa would be awesome! i finally read TLOEG it was great, in the second one loved the reference that was made to john carter! 😀 thanks for recommendation

    • Awesome. Glad you dug it. I need to read the Mars books. I haven’t been reading as much unfortunately (comics or books). I’m still on a HP Lovecraft collection right now, but I’m loving it.

  8. Pingback: My Dream Galatic Vacation | Claudia in Space

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