Pirate Resignation Letter

Dear Captain Bloodbeard,

This is my formal notification that I am resigning from the Black Death Sea Company.  As you may have noticed, I did not come back after docking at the last port. I had One-Eyed Syd deliver this letter to you in fear of being whipped, made to walk the plank, or flayed alive. Please do not take offense to this and track me down with cold black vengeance in your heart. Don’t worry, for I have already pre-kidnapped a young lad to take my place. He’s a strong one, as I learned trying to shove him in a large empty rum barrel. I think he’ll do just fine.

While I have been very satisfied voyaging on the Dragon’s Revenge, I have decided to make this move to settle down and start my own family of sea dogs. The memories I have made, or was too drunk to remember, cannot be replaced by all the rubies and doubloons in all the world. I will never forget the throat cutting contests with Sammy Pegleg. Or the first time I kissed a bar wench without her permission. And let’s not forget the time we blew up that whale with a cannon. That was definitely worth the smell and the mess.

But as I am now reaching old age at almost 30. I feel I should do something a little more constructive with my last five to ten years. Not to mention my teeth are just about rotted out. I’ve had scurvy more than a dozen times. And I’ve lost more body parts than I care to count. It’s time old friend, that I step down.

Hopefully your boiling rage at my desertion will subside someday. I would rather enjoy sharing old tales over a mug of ale like we used to. Again, I appreciate the opportunities I have been given here, and wish you much success in the future.

YARRRRRRR Favorite Buccaneer,

Gunpowder Gerry

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5 thoughts on “Pirate Resignation Letter

  1. Sure go ahead and retire. But every time you see the mizzenmast over the yard arm, you’ll wish you wuz here! There’s tray-sure in these waters, and I aims to find it! The pirate voice in my head keeps changing to Yosemite Sam.

    Nice piece.

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