Being an “adult” isn’t always fun. I use that term loosely because I’m unemployed and read comics like they’re about to be thrown in a bonfire. Bills, responsibility, and doing the mature thing are expected of you at a certain age. Yeah stupid, I know. But there’s also a ton of things I can do now, that were never possible as a kid. I mean decorating eggs, and looking for them was awesome. But there was a set of parameters you had to abide by. I’m a grown up now. I’m doing Easter my way. No rules.
1. Eat anything I want– I’m going to wake up and eat Cadbury eggs for breakfast. The whole pack. And if I throw up, so what. That’s one of my goals anyway. If it’s not the chocolate than it’s the booze (am I right?). I’ve even been considering making chocolate armor too, then eating it off. I’ll be like a life-sized chocolate bunny. But I just have to figure out a way to do it without burning my flesh off.
2. Not go to church– Easter growing up meant church was going to be extra long. Plus, people who never go to church go on Easter, making parking impossible. Which I never got the logic in. If you never go to something because it’s boring, and you like sleeping in on Sundays, why go one of two days in the whole year when it’s like a Christian moshpit? You don’t get heaven points, and God still sees you looking at porn.
3. Skip awkward family time– How awesome is it trying to reconnect with family you see three times a year? Oh that’s right, it’s not. You both take turns asking the same questions you did the previous holiday, with more or less the same answers. Then you realize how different you are, and that there’s almost no chance of relating. You’re both just praying for the part where you all watch TV in the same room and don’t say anything. And finally the awkward silence is drowned out by Die Hard until the ham is ready.
4. Paint things Easter colors– A lot of people think of me as the Long Beach version of Banksy. I’m big into street art, and expressing myself through tagging and graffiti art. It’s chill. I also like to wear hoodies, so it’s perfect. I’m probably just going to get a lot of purple and pink paint, and spray it on things. Maybe even draw eggs under pictures or statues of people, like they laid eggs (I know hilarious). So yeah, I’ll probably be pretty busy.
5. Take hallucinogenic mushrooms– Just because I’ve never seen a talking life-sized bunny, doesn’t mean I can’t try. I usually don’t mess with drugs, and just stick with the sauce. But dammit, it’s Easter and I think I owe it to myself. Happy Easter!