Cry Dancing

Being unemployed as of late, I’ve taken up the usual bad habits- over eating, scratching too much, and holding sweatpants competitions with myself. I’ve caught up on Sherlock and Top Chef episodes. And I’ve even experimented with different grill cheese combinations.  “Oh yeah, but what about when you put parmesan on the crust?” Don’t waste my time. When most people would be crying out of lonliness (oh and I have), I was being productive. I was creating muscial movements. You might call it “adult contemporary” but I call it Cry Dancing.

Cry dancing is pretty self-explanatory. It’s when you’re crying and whimpering to yourself before your girlfriend gets home, but then a song randomly plays on your Itunes. Your head starts to bob and your hands can’t help but snap to the rhythm. Then when your girlfriend suddenly opens the door, she thinks you’re just dancing out of happiness that she’s home. No victims.

Below is a list of my favorite cry dancing songs. Remember these are more effective with blurry teary eyed vision. So hurt yourself or think of painful memories to fully enjoy these. Editors note- There’s no Morrisey songs, because Youtube was being an asshole.

1. Michael McDonald – I Keep Forgettin’. There’s pain in Michael’s voice, and I get it. He’s trying to get us to feel with him. But he screwed up because that beat fucking knocks too hard. Ask Warren G and Nate Dogg, Am I right?

2. Christopher Cross – Never Be The Same. Nice beat, great guitar riffage. Good for treadmill crying.

3. Phil Collins – Against All Odds. Inspirational crying that builds to dancing. Plus the video has waterfalls, neon triangle things, and young Jeff Bridges is a sexpot.

4. Electric Light Orchestra – Telephone Line. Starts out depressing and sad, but you have cool laser sounds giving you a taste of what’s to come. Pretty soon you’re dancing and crying on your knees doo wopping with ELO.

5. King Ralph- Good Golly Miss Molly. This is just good.

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5 thoughts on “Cry Dancing

  1. Pingback: Girlfriends…Am I right? | Shut Up Dad

  2. Gah! I Keep Forgettin’ was mine and my girlfriend’s break up song. We broke up with each other and played that song to death. We didn’t realize we had the same break up song until we got back together and it came on in the car one day. Who am I kidding, it didn’t just come on in the car. She bought me the 70’s Time/Life Singer/Songwriter series and I had it on loop for a good while. Then we both said, almost in unison, that was our break up song.
    I’m giving myself douche chills as I’m typing this out.

    • Yeah, it’s definitely jam city. I don’t know what I like better- That it had the power to bring you guys back together (he does have that magic), or that she actually bought and gave a 70’s Time Life CD for you. I didn’t know anyone actually did that. This song is so bad in such a perfect way. I can’t help but smile when I listen to it. It’s too ridiculous not to make you feel better. If only Michael McDonald knew what gifts he was giving.

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