Hiking, one of man’s oldest pastimes (after prostitution and mercenarism. Or wait, is that profession? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.) My point being, that it’s a well established extra circular activity. It’s good exercise, provides fresh air, and is usually free (ha, take that prostitution and mercenaries!). But when someone asked me recently why I liked hiking so much, it wasn’t for any of those above benefits. I have a totally different set of reasons. I’ll do my best to explain them below-

1. Mountain art- Don’t get me wrong, Mother Nature has created a few beautiful things here and there. I’m as big of a fan of waterfalls and stalactite formations as the next person. But what really impresses me is when man takes nature, and makes it better. And one of my favorite genres of this is definitely mountain art. Just take this picture below. Some artistic genius (genius being the only term that would do this person justice), took these drain pipes and made them art. This takes time and dedication, and raw brute strength. None of that wimpy “painting” stuff. This person dragged these pipes all the way up the mountain, bending and rusting them to perfection, and setting them so the sunlight bounced off them just right. Beautiful.

2. Dangerous poses- I know what you’re thinking. Just what we need, more bad boy poses from a couple of assholes. And is that a Poison shirt he’s wearing? I am so done reading this…But wait! What if I told you these poses were done at 45,000 ft above sea level? Pretty adventurous right?

But if that wasn’t enough, try one-armed push ups while doing the “hang loose” sign. Now that’s dangerous!

3. Stink bug wars- After famine and disease, stink bugs are mans greatest natural enemy. Stink bugs kill an average of 2 million people a year. And those are just the cases that get reported. Survivors and families often try to cover up these incidents, because no one wants to admit they were bested by a small bug with an odor problem. But this is serious people. I took my stick and battled many a bug that day. I was marked by their stench, but other than that, I came home unscathed. Oh, and you can thank me for the world having two less stink bugs. You’re welcome.

4. Throwing rocks at stuff- Whether it’s trains, beer cans, or trees. There’s nothing more badass than throwing rocks at inanimate objects. Me and my bro threw rocks at a water tower for hours. We even got a few rocks on the roof of it. So sick!

5. Dinosaur impressions- Plentiful vegetation along the trail, provided excellent opportunities for me to hone my dinosaur impressions. This is me being a raptor stalking its prey. I don’t like to “toot my own horn”, but this picture went over pretty well at my last Dino Enthusiasts meeting.