Most people dread Mondays. It marks the beginning of the work week, you can’t sleep in, and traffic is awful. But let’s not forget about all the good things that a Monday can bring. Don’t worry, I’m not adding more to your work load. I’ve already come up with a list. See? One less thing to worry about!
1. Story opportunities – Normally getting drunk over the weekend and passing out on your coffee table would be embarrassing. You have a giant cut above your eye, and now you have to use strategically stacked DVDs to set your coffee and “important” work papers on. But when you show up on Monday with that ugly wound, you can just tell everyone at work how you got in a huge fight defending some less fortunate person’s honor. You’ll be a hero, and probably catch the attention of that special someone. You are a protector, and would therefore make a good life partner.
2. Pranks - Mondays are the one day of the week, where it is socially acceptable to be late. And many people take full advantage of that. You on the other hand are not one of those people. Why you ask? Because when you get there early you can set up pranks. Whether it’s starting a small cubicle fire, or just putting super glue on your neighbor’s chair. You’re bound to get a good chuckle, and full accolades from your boss for showing others not to be late. You’ll never worry about oversleeping again.
3. Phil Collins birthday - Now his birthday doesn’t happen on a Monday every year of course. But it has at least a few times in his life. And what doesn’t turn frowns upside down, like the song “Sussudio”? Just turn that song on in your cubicle, and now you have yourself a party. A Phil Collins birthday party! Oh, and don’t worry about bringing your own booze, because all the drinks are on the house. He’s filthy rich. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also has free elephant rides in the backyard. Or maybe a life sized castle sculpted out of ice. Yay for Phil Collins!
4. Happy hour lasts longer - Almost every restaurant or bar has some form of happy hour on Monday. And because it’s a Monday, they don’t expect very much customer traffic. Which means happy hour starts earlier, and ends later. They don’t actually expect people to come in and drink, so why not slash those drink prices down? It couldn’t hurt business right? Wrong. Yet again, they have underestimated you. Show them what you’re made of. Drink like it’s Saturday, and time travel right into Tuesday morning.
5. Only four more days - When you’re awoken from your drunken stupor by the light of the rising morning sun, don’t cry or feel sorry for yourself. You made it through the hardest day of the week. You only have four more days to go champ! And don’t forget Tuesday is short for Taco Tuesdays! Now go attack the rest of the week like you always do. You’re a winner!