How High School Was Like Prohibition

Prohibition was a ban on the sale, manufacture, and transportation of alcohol during the 1920′s and early 30′s in American history.  For some reason, the irony of this never hit me in high school, when I was actually studying it.  It probably had something to do with the brain cells I was destroying, living out my own anti-prohibition movement every weekend.  I mean, think of the excuses I could’ve used if I had only been paying attention- “You don’t understand officer, I’m doing a school project by reliving life during the Volstead Act!”  The police officer would’ve let me off on principal alone.  But no, I had to be an ignoramus.  Don’t be like me.  Read this and educate yourself.

1.  Anti-Saloon League - They were the leading organization campaigning for Prohibition, and one of the main reasons it passed. “Most” parents fall into this category.  And I don’t blame them.  Having to take care of a drunk person when you’re sober is a punishment worse than death.  Taking care of a drunk teenager is something I wouldn’t wish on a terrorist.  They don’t know their limits, or how to handle themselves.  They’re like the ebola virus.  But an ebola virus that you have to pick up at two in the morning, who won’t shut the fuck up, and barfs in your car.  So as an adult now, I get why my parents might have been a little mad from time to time.

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2.  Bootleggers -  Despite alcohol being illegal during Prohibition, it wasn’t hard to find.  You just had to know the right people.  There were many different avenues to buy alcohol from, at a variety of prices and quality.  High school was no different.  Fake IDs, older siblings, or homeless guys were always solid go-to sources.  To further bring the point home, there was even fellow classmates I knew that would steal alcohol for a price.  If that’s not bootlegging, then I don’t know what is.

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3.  Transport Of Goods –  During Prohibition, bootleggers found clever ways to smuggle in cases of liquor.  Whether it was using secret panels in their cars to conceal the booze, altering clothing, or driving caravans over dangerous frozen lakes.  These motivated individuals always found a way.  I’d like to think my friends and I carried on their adventurous spirit.  We had a graduation trip to Disneyland, which meant big risks sneaking in booze, with even bigger conquences.  But that did not deter us, for we had ingenuity on our side.  Pints of liquor fit great in cereal boxes, and can also be injected into oranges.  Teachers may know a lot, but apparently they didn’t know this. 

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4.  Speakeasies -  Were establishments that illegally sold alcoholic beverages during Prohibition.  A person could congregate with other drinkers, and enjoy the nightlife.  High school had these too.  They were made up by the homes of  kids with “cool parents.”  Which is code for parents who don’t care about them.  That, or they were just never around.  So we kids had free reign!  These were the places you would go to on a regular basis, and drink until someone barfed or got pregnant.  Usually both.  Eventually these safe havens were discovered, as the police received noise complaints or property damage became excessive.  Even cool parents don’t like their tables smashed in half from keg stand accidents.

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5.  Raids - Speakeasies weren’t invincible.  If they became too popular and the word got out, the police would come a-knocking.  If these cops couldn’t be bought, then you could guarantee they were going to come in and smash up the joint.  Speakeasy owners would need to hide the evidence, and patrons would need to disappear.  What do you think happens at a high school party?  I have seen an entire keg thrown through a fence on at least two occassions.  Of course the cops found it next to the keg sized hole in the fence, but at least we were being proactive.  And in terms of disappearing, that was never a problem.  A simple fence hop, or bush dive was sufficient.  Police officers, even bored ones, do not enjoy giving chase so they can call some drunk kid’s parents.

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Bob Dylan is Darth Vad– Nevermind….

This post was originally supposed to be a Star Wars haiku. Then after google searching to see if that had been done before, it had. Many times. See here for yourself-

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/09/star_wars_haiku_and_the_winners_are.php

http://blogs.starwars.com/i12bajedi/2

I mean, I guess it makes sense. What hasn’t been done or made in the name of Star Wars? From action figures, video games, to bed sheets. All of them done better than I could ever hope to pull off. But I did come up with one observation, that I thought hadn’t previously been discussed- a Bob Dylan/Darth Vader connection. Oh wait nevermind, that’s right here-

My expansion of the idea, to really bring it home-

So you can see my frustration then right? I didn’t want to give up, so I tried hard to come up with another weird comment or take on Star Wars that hadn’t been done before. I failed miserably. Star Wars recipes- done already.

Ice sculptures- also done before. This actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it. And these were so beautiful, that I forgot about being angry. Only for a second though.

Feeling bruised and beaten, I slowly crawled back to my original idea. But instead of just a Star Wars haiku, I narrowed my focus. This time I would do a haiku about Star Tours, the Star Wars themed motion simulator attraction at Disneyland. If you haven’t already experienced it, you sit on vibrating chairs, with a giant screen in front of you simulating space travel. It’s great. Anyway, here’s my haiku-

“Star Tours”

The name of the ship

Is Starspeeder 3000

Darth Vader is cool

Hopefully this blog post taught you to always follow your heart, and never give up on your dreams. Or maybe I just find a lot of ways to waste time. It’s up to you really. I always try to add a lot of layers to my shit. I’m pretty deep like that.

I Love Being High

Apparently April 20th (or 4/20 as most tend to call it), is “international get high day.” Which is fantastic for me, because I finally get one day out of the year that I can talk about my passion with other enthusiasts. I should have been born a bird. Sometimes I even have dreams I’m flying. But until they perfect the birdman serum or learn to graft wings to people successfully, I’ll just have to use what options I have to achieve flight.

1. Kites- Who doesn’t like brightly colored tethered aircrafts? I mean they can look like dragons, sharks, or even quadrilaterals. Usually I like to make bologna sandwiches, then go to the park with my kite. It’s fun, and free! Plus when I look up at the kite, I pretend I’m riding on it. That way nobody can see me, and make fun of my eczema.

2. Planes- I like the big 747s. But I have more interest in biplanes. They just have a lot more character, and you really get to feel the wind in your face. Plus I had a big aerial dogfight phase when I was a teenager.

3. Mountainous Ranges-Everyone loves the Himalayas, or Mount Kilimanjaro. But my favorite moutain is the Matterhorn at Disneyland. It has a fun ride, and a silly snow monster. You never have to worry about frost bite, lack of oxygen, or resorting to cannibalism to survive there.

4. Jumping- I have a love/hate relationship with jumping. Because I love getting airborne, but I hate coming down again. I guess if you love something though, you can’t just love the good parts. It’s about finding a compromise, and growing together. And to me jumping is worth it.

5. Watching The Air Up There- The only thing I love more than being high, is probably Kevin Bacon. Plus he’s so good at jumping in this movie, that it’s almost like flying. I usually just fast forward to all those scenes. I don’t really care about basketball, because sports are stupid. And people that play them remind me of all the jerks in the lockeroom, that used to make fun of my eczema.

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