Happy Father’s Day Darth Vader

With Father’ Day coming up, I thought it would be important to honor someone that tends to get a bad wrap.  No, not Genghis Khan.  I’m talking about Darth Vader.  Yes he was a Dark Sith Lord, a murderer, and an overall destroyer of planets.  But what about his good qualities?  I mean Luke loved him right?  Why can’t we?  I’ll do my best to elaborate on his positive qualities.

1. He believed in exercise- Most dads play catch with their kids.  Boring.  How about lightsaber fights?  Now that burns calories (and flesh).  The fact that he cared enough to spend his free time “sparring” with Luke, just shows how dedicated he was.  Do you know how hard it is to run an Empire, and choke your crew members?  Hard.  What a selfless father.  It’s like he had a plan or something…

2. He taught the importance of appreciation-  As I think all of us can agree, having two hands has made us spoiled.  Darth Vader knew that.  Luke was being an asshole, and needed to be taken down a peg or two.  Losing his hand was the cure.  Having one hand made him appreciate what was important.  Life is about learning lessons, and what better way to learn them then from your father.  They’re older and wiser than us.  And in Vader’s case, half robot.  Which I’m not exactly sure what that adds, but it’s probably something deep and important.

3. He knew studying was key- I mean I understand you’re sort of born with it.  But the force doesn’t teach itself. It definitely takes practice. How many kids flipped off diving boards and fell into Sarlacc pits before someone had to set up some rules? Kids need to be taught to concentrate, do their force exercises, and have some goals. Whether it’s taking over the galaxy or protecting it. They need to learn that nothing comes easy. Luke knew if he was ever going to face his father again, he would have to train. Hard work is essential.

4. He cared about who his kids hung out with- Vader never wanted his children to hang out with the wrong crowd. That’s why he had Han Solo frozen in carbonite. Han was a dirty smuggler with a smart mouth.  Can you imagine him coming over for Thanksgiving? He’d probably bring Chewbacca.  And call me crazy, but I don’t like Wookie hair in my mash potatoes.

5. He believed in setting goals- As a child, he got an adult princess to fall in love with him.  He was an amazing pilot. He also wiped out the Jedi, and built a Death Star. The list could go on forever…  Do you think a lazy person accomplishes all that? No. It takes a very dedicated man, full of hate to do that. Luke and Leia would probably still be twiddling their thumbs somewhere, instead of leading the rebellion if not for this man/robot. So before you go around judging him for being a “bad dad”, try to remember all the good things that he did. Happy Father’s Day Darth Vader.

Bob Dylan is Darth Vad– Nevermind….

This post was originally supposed to be a Star Wars haiku. Then after google searching to see if that had been done before, it had. Many times. See here for yourself-

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/09/star_wars_haiku_and_the_winners_are.php

http://blogs.starwars.com/i12bajedi/2

I mean, I guess it makes sense. What hasn’t been done or made in the name of Star Wars? From action figures, video games, to bed sheets. All of them done better than I could ever hope to pull off. But I did come up with one observation, that I thought hadn’t previously been discussed- a Bob Dylan/Darth Vader connection. Oh wait nevermind, that’s right here-

My expansion of the idea, to really bring it home-

So you can see my frustration then right? I didn’t want to give up, so I tried hard to come up with another weird comment or take on Star Wars that hadn’t been done before. I failed miserably. Star Wars recipes- done already.

Ice sculptures- also done before. This actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it. And these were so beautiful, that I forgot about being angry. Only for a second though.

Feeling bruised and beaten, I slowly crawled back to my original idea. But instead of just a Star Wars haiku, I narrowed my focus. This time I would do a haiku about Star Tours, the Star Wars themed motion simulator attraction at Disneyland. If you haven’t already experienced it, you sit on vibrating chairs, with a giant screen in front of you simulating space travel. It’s great. Anyway, here’s my haiku-

“Star Tours”

The name of the ship

Is Starspeeder 3000

Darth Vader is cool

Hopefully this blog post taught you to always follow your heart, and never give up on your dreams. Or maybe I just find a lot of ways to waste time. It’s up to you really. I always try to add a lot of layers to my shit. I’m pretty deep like that.

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