When I was in college, my roommate would constantly take showers with his girlfriend. This man was an idiot. Showers are small, and usually only have one fountain head. That means one of them was standing in the cold. And last time I checked, ladies don’t like being cold (I’m somewhat of an expert). I never understood what they were doing in there. But it must have been bad, because they were always making hurting sounds. So being the problem solver that I am, I came up with some possible solutions for activities in the shower. That way you, or anyone you know, will never have to be cold or bored in the shower again. You’re welcome ahead of time.
1. Dress Appropriately – The first and most important factor to consider is the temperature. So to avoid hypothermia, both of you should be dressed in wet suits. The kind used for arctic diving preferably. That way your shower positioning shouldn’t matter at all, and the activities can continue. Remember to have the right goggles, and make sure that none of your skin is showing. You want to keep in that body heat.
2. Drawing Contests - Once in your wetsuit, you can turn the shower nozzle on. Turn the heat up all the way and let the steam engulf the room. You will notice the glass shower door is covered in this newfound water vapor. Now this next part will sound impossible, but I promise you it’s true. Take your finger, and draw a straight line on the glass. Like magic, your finger has become a paintbrush, and the shower is your canvas. Write your name, draw a dinosaur, or simply make up your own designs. Challenge each other, and watch both of your skills improve!
3. Instant Beards - Ladies can’t grow beards (except for witches), so now is your chance to see what it would be like. Or if you’re a man who still can’t grow a mustache, then now you can. Start by pouring some soap into your hands. Then rub them together. Once you have a lather, apply the soap to your face. Instant beards.
4. Shower Wine - Do you enjoy red wine, but hate the stains it can create? How many articles of clothing and carpets have been ruined by this delicious adult beverage? That’s why I drink heavily in the shower. No stains on the carpet, because there is no carpet to stain. Shower floor is not only water proof, it’s also wine proof. And since society looks down on drinking alone, you now have a partner to cheers with. Go team!
5. Don’t Die - You’re most likely good and drunk at this point and suffering from mild heat exhaustion. What you want to do now, is exit the shower and get out of your wetsuit without passing out, or slipping and cracking your head. Remember always let your partner go out first. You invited them, and as a host, manners are the most important. Plus, once they’re out and safe they have a better chance of resuscitating you. So follow these simple guidelines, and your shower sharing experience will improve twenty fold. But of course, don’t forget rule number one- Always have fun!
