Gross, get a tissue
You have a giant booger
Okay that’s better
This was just a little something to break the week in with, and to feed the world’s insatiable appetite for more haiku. So the next time you’re in a boring situation, with blood coming out of your ears, make a game out of it. Try to put it into a haiku. That’s what I do. For example-
So what do you do?
Oh you work in sales? That’s cool.
I don’t give a shit.
No. That can’t be right…
Buy one, get one free roast beef?
Thank you sandwich god.
Wash and wax the car.
Clean the house in time for guests.
Thank God for my flask.
This post was originally supposed to be a Star Wars haiku. Then after google searching to see if that had been done before, it had. Many times. See here for yourself-
I mean, I guess it makes sense. What hasn’t been done or made in the name of Star Wars? From action figures, video games, to bed sheets. All of them done better than I could ever hope to pull off. But I did come up with one observation, that I thought hadn’t previously been discussed- a Bob Dylan/Darth Vader connection. Oh wait nevermind, that’s right here-
My expansion of the idea, to really bring it home-
So you can see my frustration then right? I didn’t want to give up, so I tried hard to come up with another weird comment or take on Star Wars that hadn’t been done before. I failed miserably. Star Wars recipes- done already.
Ice sculptures- also done before. This actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it. And these were so beautiful, that I forgot about being angry. Only for a second though.
Feeling bruised and beaten, I slowly crawled back to my original idea. But instead of just a Star Wars haiku, I narrowed my focus. This time I would do a haiku about Star Tours, the Star Wars themed motion simulator attraction at Disneyland. If you haven’t already experienced it, you sit on vibrating chairs, with a giant screen in front of you simulating space travel. It’s great. Anyway, here’s my haiku-
The name of the ship
Is Starspeeder 3000
Darth Vader is cool
Hopefully this blog post taught you to always follow your heart, and never give up on your dreams. Or maybe I just find a lot of ways to waste time. It’s up to you really. I always try to add a lot of layers to my shit. I’m pretty deep like that.
Here are a few haiku poems on my exploits as a secret agent. Don’t worry, if you read this I won’t have to kill you. I’ve censored myself accordingly.
-Let me grab my pen
-I just need to write something
-Psyche it can shoot fire
-We landed in
“Agent Black Widow”
-We could have had everything
-But you poisoned me
Living Room Hobo is the name I go by when I recite poetry. Kind of how like Conor Oberst goes by Bright Eyes, but less Native American. Basically I’ve been writing a lot of it lately, and I think it’s pretty chill. It’s kind of political, but nothing too overt. I’ll rap a little for you.
This is my first piece. It’s about the class wars we fight everyday. It’s titled-
-I went to the library today
-Tried to check out Logan’s Run
-But it cost money
-I thought libraries were free
Now see, that one didn’t rhyme. But they don’t always have to. That was an example of narrative poetry. This next one is written in rhyming couplets. It’s titled-
-Nachos are good but fatty
-Why does my teacher have to be so crabby
-Birds are like rocks
-Man it smells like dirty socks
-I know cotton candy is weird
-That lamb sure needs to be sheared
That was probably the style of poetry you’re more used to. But now we’re going to end it with one of my favorite styles- the haiku. Each line is broken into a set number of syllables- 5,7,5. It’s Japanese. I’m not bragging, just informing. This last piece is titled-
-How did your arms get so small
-Raptors are better
I hope you dug this session, and got a lot out of it. I know I did. Don’t worry, I’ll have my Hobo tumblr up soon, and you’ll be able to check out my tour dates on it. Oh and to end this post, I’m going to leave you with the classic song “Papa Hobo”. But sang by Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend, not Paul Simon. I couldn’t find his version on Youtube.