5 Great Reasons For Marriage

wedding-rings-on-hands

This is from http://www.eyeonannapolis.net/. My hands aren’t that pretty.

1. The Facebook “likes” – Are you tired of those Olive Garden pics that only get you two or three likes? With just boring comments like “Yum!” Or “Mmm… Bread sticks!” What you need to do is put a ring on it. After you post that, you’ll have more “likes” than you have friends. You can make it rain “likes”. People who don’t even like or know you, will like your pic. It’s a surefire way to get attention and praise.

2. Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards – Now I love “luau party” scented candles as much as the next guy. But I absolutely hate paying $15 dollars for them. Not to worry though. Once you get married people give you gifts. And those gifts are usually one of two things – microwaves or Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards. So at least half of your presents will be awesome.

3. One last name – I don’t know about you, but I am sick to death of having to write two last names when we do anything. My girlfriend is always asking me – “Hey, do want to join a dodgeball league in town? Or maybe go kayaking?” And I always say no, because who wants to do all that extra writing. And dinner reservations, who’s last name do we put it under? Yours or mine? I don’t know, flip a coin. Boom, next thing you know you’re in an argument. Talk about stressful. Thank goodness for name changes.

4. You can finally stop living in sin – Everyone knows that premarital sex is against the law. Plus babies born out of wedlock are usually color blind. The best way to put a stop to these crimes is to get hitched. That is unless you want to live like a pagan. And do you know who else lived like pagans? Druids. And Druids believed in human sacrifice. Just a little something to think about the next time you’re getting randy with your unwed partner.

5. No more farting in secret - Fear of long car rides, or movies will be a thing of the past. As soon as you’re married, just let it rip. Fart as much as you want. On the couch, in the kitchen, or even when you’re hugging. You know, or whatever you want to do. Because now that you’re joined in holy matrimony, everything is out in the open. And the other person has to accept it. All of your secrets. Even fart secrets.

27 thoughts on “5 Great Reasons For Marriage

  1. I had a long polish last name so I always used to say I’d marry a man with six or less letters in his last name… and I did. lol. We still try not to fart in front of one another though. You know, keeps some mystery in the marriage. ;)

    • Sounds like a plan to me. If you get any presents you don’t want, feel free to send them my way. I enjoy a fancy carmel corn tin if you get any.

  2. Good list, but you missed out one of the most important ones – it gives you an easy way of describing the other person, i.e. “My wife/my husband”. This is the difficulty I have with my…my what?! See what I mean? We’re not married, so how do I refer to him? At my age (43) I don’t really like using the terms “boyfriend/girlfriend” because they sound too teenagery, there’s “partner” which I sometimes say, but it’s a bit odd, and it can mean other things too, like business partner, or same-sex partner (not that I have a problem with same-sex partners you understand, just that it doesn’t describe my situation!), sometimes I say “my other half”, or “my man” but they’re not proper terms, you know? So that’s my number 6 on your list. Actually that would be my number 1 on your list.

    • I usually say girlfriend, but I get what you’re saying. I also say “my lady”, but that sounds kind of bikerish. It’s hard. I don’t know. But I wouldn’t worry about it. Seems like you guys are doing awesome as is.

  3. This should be required reading for anyone who has a problem with gay marriage. Jasper and Edward just want to be able to drop an stink bombs in the presence of the person who means the most to them. Jenna and Brenda want the gift cards, and by golly, they deserve them.

    • Right? And on a side note, I wish I knew a person named Jasper. Mainly so I could yell Jasper in a crowded place or chase him on a bike while screaming it.

  4. Haha. Love that last one. My then boyfriend farted on the night he told me he loved me. It was really awkward. Then he said, “Well, I guess we’re a real couple now.” And I still married him.

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