May

Bigfoot Grocery List

Hey Andrew,

I’m going to be out for the day. Can you pick me up a few things at the store? I’ll pay for the groceries and rent tomorrow. I promise. Oh and sorry about the hair in the shower drain. I know it’s been worse than usual, but I’m a little stressed with the whole “job situation”. I’ll clean that up too when I get home. You guys don’t wait up for me. Oh yeah, here’s the list…

Head and Shoulders- Preferably “Ocean Lift” if they have it. Original doesn’t seem to be strong enough anymore. I’ve been looking more like the abominable snowman, than a Sasquatch lately.
Blueberry Waffles
Real maple syrup- From the tree, not the processed stuff. I know it’s more expensive. But I’ve been feeling homesick lately, and I could really use a pick me up.
Lawn shears- Trust me, this will pay for itself in all the money we save in toenail clippers. And yes, I’ll clip them outside from now on.
Axe body spray- Sorry, but I need the spray. The solid deodorant just makes dreadlocks in my armpits. And that’s not good for anybody. Go with Phoenix or Dark Temptation scent. They work best with my musk.
Carne asada meat- I want to make tacos for Taco Tuesday.
Lint roller- I keep shedding on my vests.
GQ Magazine

Thanks again Roomie.

P.S. – If you want, we can finally go on that hiking trip this weekend. I know some great places!

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29 thoughts on “Bigfoot Grocery List”

EduDad on May 23, 2012 at 7:21 am said:

Killer funny stuff. “Dreadlocks in my armpits”

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- Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm said:
  
  Thanks. But it’s a serious problem.
  
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alienredqueen on May 23, 2012 at 7:36 am said:

Um… I’d really be interested to know the process that goes on in your brain that leads to “I think I’ll write about THIS.”

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- Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm said:
  
  I was never into sports. That leaves a lot of room.
  
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  - alienredqueen on May 23, 2012 at 6:29 pm said:
    
    Strangely enough, all my thought processes seem to end up getting derailed by sex or food. Go figure!
  - Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 7:20 pm said:
    
    Well yeah, that happens too. But then bigfoot comes in and ruins it.
  - alienredqueen on May 23, 2012 at 7:29 pm said:
    
    Oh, well, in that case, ‘Bigfoot’ would certainly be my cat Methos. o.O
Kathy V. on May 23, 2012 at 7:54 am said:

You’re dead on here. I’ve never known a Sasquatch who didn’t love blueberry waffles with real maple syrup. Yum.

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- Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 6:03 pm said:
  
  Thank you! Anyone whos never met a sasquatch, only thinks that they eat hikers! Not true at all.
  
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Cassy on May 23, 2012 at 9:57 am said:

Hahaha…I hope you made sure to get him the real maple syrup… the processed stuff could throw anyway into an uncontrollable rage!

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- Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm said:
  
  Don’t get me wrong. He’s a deadbeat jerk, who always leaves a trail of hair behind him. But you can’t fault him for loving real maple syrup. It’s amazing.
  
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  - Cassy on May 24, 2012 at 6:23 am said:
    
    I mean you can never lose him since he leaves a trail of hair… so when you finally decide to become rich off the discovery of Bigfoot, you always know where to look… And exactly. At least the big guy has good taste.
1pointperspective on May 23, 2012 at 3:20 pm said:

I feel for Sasquatch. If you can’t find shoes in your size, toenail clipping is critical. Speaking from experience, creme rinse and conditioner can help with armpit dreads, or just shaving down, Michael Phelps style and starting with a fresh coat for the summer.

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- Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm said:
  
  The only thing worse than a smelly sasquatch, is a shaved smelly sasquatch.
  
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  - 1pointperspective on May 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm said:
    
    I’m officially offended
Rebecca Koo on May 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm said:

I LOVE IT! Too funny!

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- Andrew on May 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm said:
  
  Thanks!
  
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imakeeper on May 24, 2012 at 3:06 am said:

I love the lawn shears. Totally valid. not only for cutting long toenails, but I feel like Bigfoot would also use them to snip unruly nose hairs and create gorgeous floral arrangements. since he lives in the woods, wildflowers are abundant and I imagine he is just a regular ole’ Martha Stewart when it comes to utilizing them.

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messymusings05 on May 24, 2012 at 7:11 am said:

OK, this post is hilarious!!! I appreciate the laugh on this Thursday morning

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lovehaunt on May 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm said:

Made me laugh! Dreads in the pits… now, that’s something to ponder. Great post!

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- Andrew on May 24, 2012 at 5:44 pm said:
  
  It’s hard to ponder when the entire room wreaks. But I’ll do my best.
  
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Adrienne schmadrienne on May 24, 2012 at 1:10 pm said:

I can’t stop giggling. This is why I hate sharing an office!

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- Andrew on May 24, 2012 at 5:46 pm said:
  
  Don’t worry about it. People need to know about this sasquatch problem. He’s ruining the apartment.
  
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WSW on May 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm said:

Finances can’t be too dire. I think I saw this guy go into the waxing room while I was having a mani-pedi. It takes a significant load of dough to strip that back.

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- Andrew on May 24, 2012 at 5:55 pm said:
  
  WHAT?!!! THAT’S IT!!!
  
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burmarain on May 24, 2012 at 7:12 pm said:

Taco Tuesday….yum! GQ magazine, so he can find out the hottest hair styles probably.

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- Andrew on May 24, 2012 at 8:22 pm said:
  
  Sigh, probably….That is so him.
  
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the usual bliss on June 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm said:

Dying…
‘I want to make tacos for Taco Tuesday.’
Thank you for finding ME so I could find YOU…

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- Andrew on June 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm said:
  
  I missed taco Tuesday last night! It puts a damper on my whole week. I’ll sympathize with him on that one point.
  
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